Reviewing 2015’s resolutions

Hey, guys!

I was going to write today about my 2016’s resolutions, but I had the wonderfully sad idea of looking back at my 2015’s resolutions and seeing if I managed to keep up with them. Wonderful because, well, it’s a good idea, right? Sad because I already know I haven’t done all the resolutions I wrote down. Oh well, life goes on.

Let’s see how I did:

1.Play the piano (learn new songs)

So… yeah, no. I did move the keyboard we have from the office to my room. I also downloaded sheets of songs that I like. But that’s it. I don’t know how to play those songs and now the keyboard is cluttering my room, so I might take it back to the office. I would like to play more the piano this year, but I should probably use the real piano we also have here, not the keyboard. Anyways.

2. Learn how to play the guitar

Yes! Well, not amazingly, but I can play a few songs! They basically have the same chords lol but it’s something. A lot better than the first resolution too.

3. Write more

Nope. Or yes. It depends. From the point of view I first wrote this resolution, no. Because I was planning to, like, write a story, a novel or short stories at least. And what I actually have done is write a whole bunch of essays for universities and essays studying for the SATs and university entrance tests here in Brazil.

4. Lose weight

Can I just ignore this? I hate how I wanted to lose weight so bad. I remember not even wanting to get healthier or wanting to take care of myself. I just wanted to lose weight. I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to lose weight anymore. But I want to do it as a consequence of getting healthier. Furthermore, if getting healthier doesn’t lower my weight, it’s all good.

5. Remember French

I’ll just go hide in that hole, okay? I hate myself for saying another ‘no’.

6. Learn a new language

Byeeeeeeee.

7. Finish one year of the Q&A

Yes! I did it! Although I didn’t write all the answers on their days (like, there was a day when I answered the previous two weeks), I finished it and I’m proud of myself, because I have never finished a journal/diary before.

8. Finish “1 Page at a Time”

Yeah, no. It wasn’t with this journal that I broke my tradition of never finishing a journal. I don’t even think I finished January, to be honest.

9. Save more money

Well, I don’t know exactly what ‘more’ stands for, but I do think I did a decent job at this.

10. Change something in my physical appearance

Yes, I did change my hair! Around October I lightened the ends of my hair. There are no pictures of it here yet. But you’ll see it one day. I first lightened them to blond, then dyed it a red-ish, purple-ish color and now it’s kind of blond again. I want to lighten it more so I can dye it light blue or purple.

11. Read 25 books

No, I didn’t read 25 books because I’m a failure and now I’m sad because I love reading so much and I didn’t make time for it the past year.

12. Find out what I want to do (career/university)

I did, then I didn’t, then I did, then I didn’t. I still don’t know if I know what I want to do.

13. Get into university

Still working on that.

14. Drink more water

I think so. Hopefully.

15. Have a good exercise schedule

I did for the first semester. I was going to the gym three times a week and lifting weight and doing zumba. But then I started to study a lot for the university entrance test and write essays etc, so I kind of put exercise on hold. Which was a bad thing. Hopefully I’ll be able to get back at it this year.

16. Study abroad??? Maybe??

I did this! I spent three weeks at University of Pennsylvania last July and it was in-cre-di-ble. Loved it. I’m so so glad I wrote down this resolution and worked towards it.

~*~

Okay. So those were my 2015’s resolutions. I did not do too good at them, I admit. But 2015 is past. Now we focus on the present, on 2016, and on the resolutions I will tell you some other time.

Love,

Dani.

 

Starting the new year!

Hello!

I’m a lot happier today than I was in my last post. Since then, I have seen my ENEM (a national test) scores and they are not bad! I might be able to get in a really good school and course (since here in Brazil we choose a course and see different universities, instead of choosing an university and adapting into a course there – which I’ve felt is kind of more like the case in the US (sorry if I’m wrong))! Moreover, I am done with the entrance tests I had for another university. I have absolutely no clue how I did, but hope is the last one to die, right?

Anyways, since I am finally done studying, I can say that I’m on vacations! This is my summer vacation and I already lost one a half month of the two months we have, but, oh well, let’s make the most of the time I have left.

Today was my first day with no studying or doing tests, so, obviously, I had to clean my room. Please don’t judge me, but every beginning of year I just throw random papers, reorganize shelves, clean up everything etc. I still haven’t gone through my closet – and I’m really excited about sorting through my clothing because I always take out a LOT of pieces and I also remember amazing things I forgot I had -, but I have done my desk, my shelves and my walls. Yeah, I took down all the wall décor I had and remade everything. Well, part of it, because I loved the cleaner look without posters and all on the walls.

Entering my room now, after this clean up, is refreshing. I lit up a candle, opened the windows so some air would get in and played some music. The room is a lot more open, clear and brighter, in a way.

I watched a video today on YouTube – I don’t remember which one – and the girl said she loved cleaning and, also, no one regrets taking time to clean. Like, have you ever said “oh, I wish I hadn’t cleaned my room”? Yeah, guessed not.

So yeah. 2016 finally started for me and it started well! I’m so happy right now and I wish I remain this way throughout the year.

Take care, with love,

Dani.

So… I’m here

I don’t even know how to start this post. You may have noticed it’s been over half an year since I updated this blog. I don’t have any good excuse, just the fact that this half year was the craziest one for me.

So… Let’s start from the beginning. My last blog post was in the end of June. July was an amazing month. It could be because it was the last month I could not think about my future (college etc), but the month itself was so much fun. I went to Philadelphia to take a summer program at University of Pennsylvania. It was a Biomedical Research program and it was insane. If I’m being honest, Brazilian high schools don’t have the same infrastructure found in the US (I may be wrong, but, like, my high school is a traditional private school, so, if we don’t have a crazy infrastructure, I don’t think the rest, as a whole, is any better). But I could see that, even for some of the american students, the activities and experiments we had were memorable. That may be because, you know, Penn is an incredible university and, well, universities have more to offer than high schools.

You may not know this about me, but I love Biology, Chemistry and that molecular, genetic stuff (it kind of kills me to talk about it like this, but, for blogging reasons, let’s keep it this way hah). I love studying, to be honest, and spending a month studying what I love was so much fun. In another note, I met amazing people that, up to this day, I respect, love, and miss. So much. I made friends that I hope to see again, truly, because we clicked so fast and had the best three weeks. Ugh, I wish I could go back to July.

But I can’t. After my vacation, I came back and started school again. I have already said this, but I’ll repeat: the school year in Brazil goes from January to December; my summer vacation is December and January, and July is my winter break. So, yeah, I came back and started school in August. This last semester was, well, my last semester of high school (yes, as of right now, I graduated already). So, you know the drill: teachers struggling to give all the content, tests like crazy, stress, nostalgic feelings because you love your school (okay, maybe just me, but I do love it and miss it). More than that, I had double the stress.

I always had the thought at the back of my mind that I wanted to study abroad for college. More specifically, get an undergraduate (and more, I do want a PhD) education in the US. So, I had to send applications this last semester. Now, as I wasn’t sure about this desire until January 2015 (or later), I never really focused on that. I’ve always been a good student, wanting or not to study abroad, so my transcripts were good. I had extracurriculars too, because I do them because I like them, not for them just to look good in my “resume”. But, we don’t have anything like the SATs or even the application process here in Brazil.

Let’s take a pause in what I was talking about so I can explain what goes down here in Brazil: we don’t have applications. We have entrance tests. So, basically, we take a test (or more than one. Like, the first test will select 300 students and the second one will select the 100 that will be accepted into the university) and that is it. Most schools have only one chance for you to get in per year and it is probably the most stressful thing ever. People study for, at least, months. Depending on what you want, it is normal to study a couple of years after high school until you get the score you need to get in.

Anyways. I had to understand better the whole holistic application process. I think I did well. I hope. Because I’ve already sent the applications, so there’s not much I can do now. I did my best, and I can only hope my best is enough. There are some interviews now, and I’m excited for another way to show who I am. But this stress is practically finished by now.

What isn’t finished is the university entrance test. I did not give up on the possibility that I stay in Brazil for my college education. My first option is studying abroad, but, if that doesn’t happen, I’ll probably get my undergraduate degree here in Brazil and then apply for a graduate degree in the US. Anyways, I am studying like crazy right now for the “second level” of the test. I got through the first test and now I just have to be one of the bests from the ones who already are better than others (this was a terrible sentence formation, but I hope you get my point). Sad thing is that, hm, I don’t believe a test can measure the best student. In the matter of accepting students, I prefer the North American process. The holistic application is, indeed, more holistic. But there is nothing I can do about it now, only study my butt off. And I’m trying to.

Today I had a crisis because I am scared. I tried to give the best of me my whole life, but it feels like only this last semester determines my future. I know that in the application for the US universities that is not true in the way your whole high school performance is taken into consideration, but it feels like that, because you write essays, take tests and everything in that last semester. For the universities here in Brazil, that kind of isn’t true either, because all the content you had in your high school years is on the test. But it also feels like it because I had “test preparation” classes (the most common thing here), where we review all the content and everything. It is a terrible experience, trying to review all high school years in a couple of months, and then reviewing the review (what I’ve been doing this first week of 2016, since the test is this weekend).

I am scared of not getting in anywhere. I truly am. I only applied to universities in the US that are better in a lot of aspects than the one I am testing for in Brazil, so those are really hard to get in. And, here in Brazil, is not easy to get in either, and I’m scared that what I’ve studied isn’t enough. I wish I could be rational and believe that I’ll get in somewhere, because, well, there are a lot of options. And even if I don’t get in, my life isn’t over. But, well, I want to get in somewhere this year. I guess it’s my fault that I’m only trying really hard places, but, if I got in somewhere I didn’t want, what is there to celebrate… Right?

I hope I made the right choices. I hope this year is good. I hope I am happy this year, because a lot of things are changing. If things happen for a reason, I hope I did enough to be in charge my destiny. But, if I didn’t, I do hope things happen for a reason.

I truly am sorry for this gigantic post, but, as I said, I had a crisis today and I just needed to talk. A lot. I feel like I have a lot more to say because, even after all this, I still feel like I have a lump in my throat and am about to cry all the time. But, you know, that is life. Moreover,  this is one of the most spontaneous text I’ve written, so I’m sorry if things don’t make sense and I will try to proofread it later. I just needed to get stuff out and write.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope that this new year will be amazing for everyone. Let the future come and remember that you make your future. Therefore, you can always change it.

Love,

Dani.